Me and My Kinky Hair - a Journey through different times

I know some of you might think, is hair really such an important thing to talk or write about? For the intelligent maybe it is irrelevant, but generally in society people still get classed and judged according to the texture of their hair, particularly in racially segregated and in my opinion, generally racist city like Cape Town.

People wear many different types of hairstyles and it is acceptable generally in society to wear one's hair as one pleases. However, I find in the coloured communities and in general in Cape Town, hair is still a determinant on how you get treated in society and in the workplace and how successful one can become in one's career. It determines one's social affiliations. For example, on Instagram I noticed less likes on my posts with my natural hair than with straightened hair. It determines which men take an interest in you. Lighter complexioned and straight haired coloured men would rarely be seen with someone with African hair. I am glad and lucky to have found a decent and intelligent Rasta man who loves my natural African hair.

While wearing natural African textured hair is a noble and powerful thing, it can also increase discrimination and isolation, particularly among coloureds especially in the work environment where they would isolate, undermine and disrespect a coloured person with African textured hair in hopes of impressing and getting favour with their white superiors who still use divide and rule tactics (by approval of one 'type' of coloured versus oppression of another 'type' of coloured). Or one can be perceived as a trouble maker for coming across progressive and in being defiance of European beauty standards and thus be isolated and excluded. 

But let me talk about the pain and journey of healing of having my type of hair in a racist South Africa. When I was a toddler in the early 80's, all I saw on apartheid TV was white women with long blonde or black hair who were portrayed as the standard of beauty. We lived on the 'platteland' in Heidelberg at the time until I was about 11 years old. I then started wearing this fuschia headscarf belonging to my mother and pretended it was long hair. It upset my parents that I would do this but I felt a deep shame and inferiority about my short kinky hair and wanted to be like those women on TV. 

I had my first discussion about straighteners and relaxers when I was about 10 years old. I remember my mother and I having this conversation about using a straightener while sitting on our stoep looking out on our large garden in Heidelberg. My best friend from Heidelberg who had long wavy hair, told me about this miraculous hair product from Cape Town called a relaxer that her cousin was using, and that is how the conversation came up. My mother refused to straighten my hair with chemicals and just used rollers, a hair tong and a hair dryer on my hair. I had my first relaxer when I was about 15 or 16 years old. There were always girls who bragged about their long straight hair and were vain about it. There was also the narrative that girls who had textured hair were less beautiful and less attractive to the guys. However, growing up in a home where education, intelligence, good values and virtues were valued, I focussed instead on my school work and hobbies such as my art and poetry and playing with my Maltese poodle called Jessie instead of obsessing over hair. I based my self-esteem on my other qualities and also believed that I was beautiful in my own way. When I started relaxing my hair I developed a deeper sense of inferiority, as the straightened hair reinforced the idea that straightened hair was more beautiful.

After university, and after a couple of years of relaxing, I discovered the GHD ceramic hair plated straightener when it became all the rage around 2013. I also bought one and soon my hair was dry, brittle and damaged from using the GHD. I became tired of the chemicals and also had a boyfriend from Mitchells Plain who reinforced this practice of going to the hairdresser like the other girls to get my hair done. I started focussing too much on my appearance and this made me feel emotionally unhealthy and unbalanced. Then in 2016 after a few weeks in hospital for a serious condition, from which I fully recovered, I thankfully discovered the Natural Hair Movement. This was a breath of fresh air for me and a chance to rediscover my natural beauty. One one of my aunts commented before I went natural just how wonderful I would look with natural hair, but I think in her mind she was imagining curls that they advertise in ads with mixed race girls. Unfortunately, my natural hair was not like those bouncy curls, but tight kinky coils, strongly African textured hair like the Afro's once donned in the 1970's. I had to accept that my natural hair was not how I would have liked it but was strongly African and Khoisan. I then felt at peace once I went natural and accepted that 'this was me in my natural real state'. I no longer tried to achieve an image or strived for straight hair. It also reinforced the emotional connection I have with the Xhosa people, as I believe I have Xhosa lineage. I am proud today of my African Khoisan and possibly Xhosa heritage, even though this kind of ties is frowned upon by many Capetonians. But definitely from both my parents I have Khoi and San lineage. 

My hair reminds me that I am a child of the African soil, that this is my heritage and that I belong here. I still hold space for my European and Asian lineage, but I am proudly African and Indigenous. I may be talked about or frowned upon by certain other people who find hair like mine unacceptable and ugly, but my heart is clean from hatred and ignorance and I prefer to walk in the light of love and acceptance of blackness and humanness. I try my best not to be influenced by the ignorance, racism and xenophobia in society and try to embrace all people as equal, as we are. Black and Coloured people have been disadvantaged and we are not always as developed and educated as White people, but we are still human and deserving of dignity and respect. My thoughts go to the people of the Cape Flats as I write this. And the same goes with hair texture, whether your hair is bone straight, wavy, curly or kinky, all hair textures is beautiful and perfect as it is. I am also lucky that my features allow me to have different types of hair textures to suit my face. I have experimented with braids and that also looks good on me and I have made my hair into curls and that also suits me nicely. I am lucky to have this hair on which I can try diverse styles and each style suits my face. So in essence, for everyone, all types of hair is beautiful and should be accepted and embraced by all.